pluto in aquarius

my ex-astrologer (or should i say austrologer since she is australian) tells me that in november pluto will move unto aquarius and remain there until 2044, the year of my death, if you, or i, believe my obituary dream.

so that’s it. i am fucked. forever. doomed to stumble around, flailing my arms and squawking and not being heard for the rest of my life as the world grows ever more mysterious incomprehensible.

probably.

but i don’t know about pluto, the is-it-or-isn’t-it a (dwarf) planet. i mean come on. a planet named after mickey mouse’s dog?

but not knowing about it is not inappropriate since pluto was only discovered in 1930. how relevant can it be really, in the ancient ruse of predicting the future and/or explaining the present?

anyhoo but first pluto will back into capricorn ‘for the grand finale of the era that started in 2008’. 2008? was that the year lauren berlant told me i should call myself a writer?

wait. the global financial crisis. that was the year i bought a house with a swimming pool in wagga wagga with you-know-who to start a new life, just before the the house prices plummeted in the crash, even though we just had a new kitchen with a bamboo floor put into the old one.

mind you when work was completely stressing me out and it was 40 degrees, floating naked in that swimming pool at the end of the day whilst looking at the night sky kept me sane. no wait. yes that was the year i decided to devise an exit plan from academia and to become a therapist.

also ‘Neptune arrives in Aries in March 2025 (exclamation mark!) and Uranus will be in Gemini a few months later’ but i don’t know what that means and i don’t want to pay, not $28 AUD/$18 USD but $9AUD/$6 USD, even though that’s a not inconsiderable saving, to find out.

weird really because allegedly i am a Five, Enneagram Type 5 THE INVESTIGATOR. The Intense, Cerebral Type: Perceptive, Innovative, Secretive, Isolated — so you’d think i’d want to know, but the thing about Fives is that they believe their resources to be scarce.

but do they believe that their resources are scarce because they are, or are they unable to see abundance?

i told mother i dreamed about my father for the first time in thirty years and in the dream he gave me a brand new computer, exactly the one i always wanted, with the invoice for like two and half thousand good old australian dollars when it was still worth seventy eurocents.

so she immediately said, i will buy it for you.
i said : but i don’t need a new computer.

Typical Five, minimizing my needs as much as possible, withdrawing from the world and retreating into my mind to conserve time, energy and other resources, even though i don’t actually have enough of what i need, never did have, and when, floating naked in my own swimming pool looking at the night sky i decided to change my life radically and to go out into the world, it was not to get more of what i needed, but to give more to others.

and that, some would say, is a classic way of avoiding addressing your own needs, give and give, and keep giving more to others until you are completely empty and exhausted.

i am just not sure that i buy into that narrative because i genuinely don’t believe i am that important and the whole problem with the prevalent attitude in the affluent part of the world is that you have to believe that just like rich people believe they are worth it and you have to believe you are worth it too, even if you don’t have it, believing you are worth it too, will enable you to get it.

until you give up, exhausted, disillusioned and embittered.
and then you can die.

or maybe you just didn’t invest in the right stocks at the right time or you bought a house at the top of the market and then when you had to sell it was hard to get rid of and no one wanted a house with a swimming pool because it’s too much maintenance and when something goes wrong with the filter, which happens frequently, the pool turns green virtually overnight and it will kill you for sure if you swim it it, or one of the kids will fall in and drown.

but good for you.
at least you tried!

and at least you did, for a year or two, have a house with a swimming pool which kept you sane, more or less. mind you, that was in wagga wagga. do you even know where that is? it’s not even in the developed world. not really. no one from wagga wagga stays in wagga wagga unless they’re a Five.